My Philosophy... part 1

So it's been seven months and two days since I started this blog and blogged the first blog I've ever blogged. BLOGGING! One reason it's been so long is because I haven't had much to say*. No real reason for this blog but to type things in an attempt to be funny, so there's really no motivation to write anything especially when I can simply spend my time doing much more meaningless things**. So I've had a lot of time on my hands and I've been contemplating the meaning of life (like people do) and have decided that some of my thoughts on the subject may be different from others' thoughts and stuff. I've decided to split up these thoughts into comprehensible categories (mainly because if I didn't I would just ramble for a long time and accomplish nothing)****.

So... Part 1: Everyday Life

I'm generally a happy person, at least that's my public appearance. People see this and it worries them. "The real world" is a terrible place filled with stupid people doing stupidly frustrating things to other more infuriatingly frustrating and stupid people. I understand this point of view, I just tend not to dwell on it. The world sucks. Yes. But you know what would suck more? A zombie apocalypse. (This all ties in, trust me)

Let me explain this further. Most people want to see a zombie apocalypse, including myself, because the heroics of doing whatever it takes to stay alive is what every action-movie-loving little boy (or girl, for that matter) wants to do with their lives. Be the person who can best the evil bad guys outside. And it definitely fits into the mindset of any person who hides their frustration with work or neighbors or what have you. Come on, if you saw a person who frustrates the hell out of you meandering (like zombies do) down the road with an insatiable hunger for brains, nothing would make your day better than taking a couple whacks at them.

You: "But Joe, you have yet to make this sound like a bad thing..."

 Me: "Quiet, you impatient little zombie loving person*****."

Okay, so yeah, that sounds fun, but let's flesh this out (pun is most definitely intended). It's all fine and dandy until you realize there's really no place to hide and there's never an end to the onslaught of creatures whose existence relies completely on devouring you for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner (depending on your mass, of course (again, pun intended)). But wait! There's more! You get to see the people you've loved in life want nothing to do with you... except eat you. And if and when you do find living people in a zombie filled world, you won't know if you should trust them or not. Ever. One second you could be running along side them and the next you're on the ground providing that person, whom you just trusted, ample time to flee from the creatures by distracting them with your bloody, juicy flesh they love so much.

So now that we all understand the horror of being bad ass Rick Grimes we can get back to my philosophy. What do these two entities have in common? Well tomorrow could be the beginning of the zombie apocalypse and I want to be a person who, if you already know me or you are just meeting me for the first time, you'd want to keep around. In this philosophy the real question you must ask yourself daily is:

"If I were someone else, would I use me for protection and additional people for my post-apocalyptic gang, or would I off me for a couple extra minutes of get away time?"

If you go through a day where the answer to that question is "extra minutes" you're living the wrong life. Now I have met people who I feel fit into that category. For those people, please read this blog. For tomorrow you may just be "extra minutes".








*mainly due to the completely uneventful life I lead.
**like stuff and things***
***paying off student loans...
****I'll probably be doing that anyways.
***** I'm not real good at being mean. Besides, you really didn't say those words, I made you read them. I can't blame you for not giving me time to explain myself. I feel awful. I wish I could take it all back...

I'm new at this

So what I hear is that when someone blogs they simply type for a while and then let everyone see the words or combination of letters that they so skillfully put together. Here are my letters arranged in a way that is recognizable to some of you and comprehensible to others.

I'm new to this whole writing-for-the-world-to-see thing*; in school I rarely wanted my instructors to read the essays that I had spent time writing**. I figured I have a lot of time on my hands lately and this may just give me a way to let people know just how much time I have on my hands. Without further ado, I will begin...


Hello and welcome to my blog.

...

The weather wasn't so bad today...

...

The Pittsburgh Steelers won...     ...      ...

...

So, we've found out that I'm not good at conversations with computer screens.
For future reading of my blogs, here are some things that will make it comprehensible.


How to effectively read one of my blogs:

• Words that aren't defined in an English dictionary or otherwise unintelligible are usually deemed skimable. Read these for the emotion. 

• Combinations of letters I find particularly noteworthy I will most likely bold and/or CAPITALIZE. However, rarely do I find my words to be anything to write home about.

• I will most likely place an asterisk(s)(*) or some other symbol I deem worthy beside words or phrases throughout the blog. When seeing one of these, you are to refer to the bottom of the post. These are added for comedic effect*** (most likely I will use these too often, thus rendering the joke insufferable).

• Pictures or videos may be added to a post. View at your own leisure.

There you have it! One post down. More to come****.

Til next time.




* or a few friends who find me humorous and/or insightful
 ** or the few hours prior to its deadline writing.
*** I was never really good at this... is it affect!? Ah well, you know what I'm trying to say, right?
**** Probably three or so.